Buy Arab On Web (Long, tedious, boring ...)
It might have been "Arabian Visions" magazine where I saw the URL for StandUp Arabians. The ad said it welcomed the most discriminating customer to build their perfect arabian from their exhaustive wealth of material. At last, I thought, a site worthy of the education I'd received as a member of an arabian Listserve which numbered everyone who was anyone of note in the arabian horse world.
So I went to their website and sure enough this was an elegant, expensive looking page. First I had to accept an Agreement that I was as serious as they in seeking satisfaction and I zipped right through the rest of it without reading every single word just like is normal. Then I noticed the BACK button disappeared which bothered me a little. And the screen got divided into 2 halves. On the left was an hour glass with all the sand at the top and a bar chart from zero to 100% saying how far you'd gotten in the process of building your personal best arab. On the right were the categories from which to select: color, gender, conformation, bloodlines etc. I clicked color -wanting a rose grey- and lo and behold I never saw so many varieties of grey. But I persisted and an hour or so later had nailed down that I definitely wanted a rose grey and I understood there were other pretty greys and Yes I knew about melanomas ( fact is- their descriptions were so graphic I damn near got a hand held mirror just to make sure *I* was doing OK in that department<g>). Well, this had taken a little over an hour and I was only 7% into the project. So I chose gender - wanting a gelding - and thinking this wouldn't take much time. BUT, 45 minutes later after reading all there was to know about monocryptoids, the spontaneity of mares, the charisma of stallions, the risks of spaying and the bad effects of late gelding, I was rewarded by being able to confirm "Yep, I *still* wanted a gelding!" ..... and the percentage soared to 11% done.
At the bottom of each page were two buttons: a red one labelled "BAIL OUT" and a green one labelled "Continue". I was wishing I could verify what I'd ordered to this point like one can in configuring a new car or selecting a model from an Escort Service but the "Preview button" wasn't there. However, over on the left by the bar chart which showed my 11% progress, there was the picture of someone treading water, little waves lapping at their chin, and a caption that read "Can't Hack It? Dial 1-800-I-GIVE-UP". Angrily, I rejected that insinuation and started down the Conformation options. Thought I could save some time by ignoring alot of verbiage and just clicking Continue but then I was warned that there was a little quiz at the end of each selection to make sure I had read and understood the material they had so assiduously provided for their persnickety customers and some snide remark about the "Agreement".
By now, 3 hours had elapsed and I was 24% done and disheartened. So I acknowledges to myself that maybe I wasn't a Type A personality after all and *somebody* needed to do the maintenance chores for the successful people in life ... broke down, I say, and dialed the number.
"What'll it be, Bub? We only got a white one and a brown one left. And I
got two calls waiting" a man with a tired voice said.
"Well", I said, "you mean grey and chestnut?"
"Don't get technical with ME, Bub. I *know* how you got here so what'll it
be?"
"Which is bigger?", I asked.
"Can't tell from here but they's both standing"
"Is the white one a gelding? Is he sound? How do you know he's arabian?"
"Can't tell from here, too far away" he said impatiently. "Can't hear nothing from here neither. As to
being arabic, we get some guys from WAHO to run'em around a little and they can tell by the way horses move whether
they's arabic".
"That's incredible!" I said. "Yeap, truly unbelievable" he agreed. "Now your time's about up, Bub,
what'll it be?"
"Well, just tell me is this still the StandUp Arabians Enterprise?"
"Oh yes, quality outfit!! Only sell standing arabs. The ones is lying down
were REALLY hard to load in the trailor and just about about all our valued customers weren't happy with them when they were
delivered. So's we got a little Quality Assurance Program going and now we only sell those
what are standing AND load AND unload in an upright position"... announced
he with pride. "Last chance, Bub".
"I'll take the white one" I replied miserably.
Have Fun!